Never Say Never

August 22, 2009


Every time I turn around someone is asking what I’m doing this fall. There was talk about me working an an au pair in Paris this fall, which may get pushed off until this winter, or possibly next summer (either way I’m not giving up on it, just moving it), but It doesn’t look at all like this fall anymore. As it stands right now I’ll be returning to the local community college and finishing off my Associates in Fine Arts. I’ll also be doing another internship in Event Design and Planning, I’m still in the process of deciding where exactly.

If you told me I’d be here last year, or even six months ago, I wouldn’t have believed you. Once I left for Drexel I swore I’d never be back at community college. I moved to Philly and swore I’d never be back in Jersey. Heck, two years ago I could have sworn I wouldn’t date anyone until I graduated from college, at least. I’ve always been so driven and have become more and more of a perfectionist, so it’s hard for me to deal with things not going as I envisioned them, but I feel like that might be why I’m here. One of my friends always says to never pray for patience unless you want to be annoyed to no-end for the next year.

When I first came back from Drexel there was no plan at all. It was scary to realize I didn’t want to be a professional photographer anymore, I talked about being a photographer since I was twelve or thirteen. I no longer had any plan. I didn’t know what I would do this summer, much less this fall. I could no longer meticulously plan every moment of my life, I no longer had classes to obsess over and get myself upset over every night. So I just lived for a while, and prayed too.

Last night we went around the room before bible study and talked about our plans for fall, and I felt a little down to say I was just going back to community college and picking up a new internship. Emily made me stop and remind everyone of my age. Okay, so I’m still young, and I suppose I’m still a lot farther along than most people my age, I just feel much older. It’s frustrating to feel so much older than I actually am, but I’m learning to be content in whatever place I am. This is how old I am, this is where I am, and I won’t let myself go back to old habits just because I’m back in the same physical place I was two years ago. I’m going to be happy with where I am right now, and not let anyone change that.


One Response to “Never Say Never”

  1. Chuck Says:

    I think you might have a better grip on things then you realize. You are young perhaps but you are also beautiful, brilliant, and very talented. I think some of the difficulty for you might be that you have the gifts to master several different destinies equally and that makes it very difficult to tell them apart and decide which is right for you (and not necessarily best).

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